I got fired because my grades are shit. My mom blew the fuck up on me today and then promptly crushed me behind a door them smacked me across the face. She doesn’t even know that I got fired. What was I doing when she started screaming at me? Schoolwork. She fucking made me stop my school work to tell me what a fucking failure I am and assault me. My dad told me that I should be less of a fuck up and I wouldn’t have this problem anymore. My brother just acts like I’m not there.

Spending my day watching True Blood and trying to get buzzed on caffeine, the “drug” I’ve been immune to since the age of four. What have I become?

I got fired today.

I texted the friend who said he loved me. I was going to tell him not to look for me at work.

He never replied.

I texted a friend that I’ve been extremely close to for ten years.

He didn’t reply either.

Maybe they’ve finally realized what a piece of shit I am.

-you aren’t worth it
-you never have been
-you aren’t pretty
-you never have been
-you are a fatass
-you always have been
-nobody loves you
-they never will
-now put on your damn happy face and go on being a liar for another day

syndrone:

i want this so bad..

Agreed. This would be amazing.

I’m not doing anything useful with it. It’s not like I deserve to have it in the first place. I always feel too… full anyway. I can’t explain it. It’s like I have too much of it in me. I need to let some of it drain. I might as well let someone who actually wants to live have it. It’s not doing me any good.

When I suddenly drop my gaze from your eyes to the floor and let my hair hide my face I secretly almost want to feel your fingertips brush my hair out of the way and hear you ask me if I’m alright.

And then reality kicks in and I’m glad that you just say goodbye and walk away so that I’m alone and hating myself.

Today’s just one of those days where I just want to go to a nursery, look at all of the poisonous plants and imagine eating them.

This Is the second time today that someone has abruptly yelled at me to be ready and out the door in two minutes. This is also the second time today that I have forgotten my damn glasses. I am severely near sighted and have an astigmatism. I need my fucking glasses. My family knows that if they yell at me while I’m doing something I will mess up and forget things. They have learned from experience. Off to see The Avengers. Too bad I didn’t bring my vision with me.

I’m going to give it to you straight. No BS stretching, cardio, or massage. If you’re staying up all night you probably don’t have the time for any of that mental mumbo jumbo anyway. My all-nighter record is roughly five plus days straight. I needed the time and to be honest I could have gone longer.

1. As always, coffee. I personally like it strong and black. No cream, no sugar. If unlike me you don’t favor the taste of a good pure cup of joe add something. Splenda is sweeter than sugar. Flavored syrups are sweet and tasty. Creamers come in a multitude of flavors.

2. Lemons. I am a big fan of lemons. I keep a bag of freshly frozen hand reamed lemon juice in my freezer for a tasty treat whenever I want it. Freshly picked from the market I personally ream them and remove the seeds then pour the deliciously sour juice into a plastic ziplock and lay it on its side in the freezer so it freezes into a 1/2 inch sheet that’s easy to break into bite sized pieces for popping into my mouth. It’s tasty and a great pick me up.

3. Lighting. If possible I keep the lights on. Good lighting keeps my eyes from straining and tiring out.

4. Eye drops and glasses. I am blind as a bat. I keep my specks on and my vision clear. Eye drops keep my eyes perky.

5. AFV. Take breaks and watch something funny. It will keep your attention and give you a giggle. Your fave tv show will also do.

6. Suspense. Similar to the above. If your fave tv show just came out with a new episode save it ‘till you start feeling tired. When you get drowsy watch it. You won’t be able to take your eyes off and you’ll forget the sleepiness.

7. Okay, maybe some exercise. I personally like using those free workout apps in the apple app store. A lot of them are easy to do and mindless while you study or whatever the hell you need to do. They keep your blood pumping.

8. Chew some gum. Simple and tasty.

9. Wash your face and brush your teeth. Invigorating and refreshing. Keeps you comfortable.

10. Don’t lie down. It will make you drowsy and you’ll regret it. End of story.

They work for me. If they don’t work for you, I’m sorry. If you have anything to add go ahead. Reblog and add it on.